The Girl Next Door (2004)

Last Friday night I picked up the “unrated” DVD of The Girl Next Door (2004) out of the bargain bin at Wal-Mart in a nearby town for $5.00.

Being an old fogey of 47 who spends most of my time working, The Bad Catholic knew nothing about this movie and had never heard of the stars Emile Hirsch and Elisha Cuthbert.  When I pulled the movie out of the bargain bin I was with a friend of mine, another old fogey of age 68 who made me promise not to watch it without him.  The selection of this movie was made totally on prurient interest, and I have to say our prurient interests were totally satisfied.

This starts out as just another high school comedy.  Matthew, played by Emile Hirsch is an honor student who falls for the girl who moves in next door to him.  After going out a couple of times and having a number of wild hi-jinks, like skinny dipping in the school principal’s swimming pool, Matthew is head over heels in love with the beautiful Danielle, played by Elisha Cuthbert.

Matthew’s friends, who are big fans of porno movies, recognize Danielle as being a porno movie star.  Matthew is heart broken and wants to break off the relationship but his friends convince him that he needs to try to take Danielle to bed.  This is where the movie takes a serious turn.  Matthew takes Danielle out and suggests that they get a motel room.  By this time Danielle has suspected that Matthew knows who she is.  When they get to the cheap motel room, Danielle begins playing her porn star role.  When Matthew says “What are you doing?”  Danielle tearfully says ,”This is what you want isn’t it?”  She tells him that she knows that since he found out she has sex for a living on film that he figured it wouldn’t be any big deal for him to take her to a motel and sleep with her.

Everybody else’s performance in “The Girl Next Door” is pretty pedestrian, but Ms. Cuthbert has the potential to be a good dramatic actress.  She is very convincing in the role of the girl who is trapped by her adult film star past who desperately wants to leave the porno film lifestyle and be in a normal relationship.

Danielle’s past comes calling for her in the form of Kelly (played by Timothy Olyphant), Danielle’s former producer, who wants to get her back in adult videos as fast as possible.  The prurient interest of viewers is very much satisfied when Kelly takes Matthew to a strip club.  On the commentary on the DVD, Emile Hirsch says that they filmed in the strip club for a week and that he was around, “more naked women than I ever have been in my life.”

Of course, the predictable thing happens.  Danielle, who has very low self-esteem is convinced that she is only fit to be in porno movies and lets Kelly convince her to return to the adult film industry.  Matthew and his geeky friends follow Danielle and Kelly to the adult video convention in Las Vegas where much hilarity ensues along with the serious plot of Matthew telling Danielle that he loves her and knows that she is better than this.

When Danielle finally leaves Kelly and returns to be with Matthew, Kelly, who has lost a lot of money by his star backing out on him, comes after Matthew for revenge.  After Kelly sabotages Matthew’s chance for a scholarship, tries to have him arrested for burglary, and steals $25,000 that was supposed to be used to bring a Cambodian exchange student to the U.S., Matthew, Danielle and their geeky friends plot revenge.  Danielle calls up some of her adult film star friends, and more hilarity ensues as they make a sex education video called “Adult Education.”

The Girl Next Door is not a great film by any stretch of the imagination but it’s worth watching at least  once.  Gentlemen viewers looking to satisfy a prurient interest will be satisfied.  Elisha Cuthbert is stunningly good looking and there is a lot of flesh on display.  My biggest criticism is that the movie is over long and tends to drag toward the end.  The Bad Catholic gives it two and half stars.